Why yes, that is a vacuum cleaner in my pannier.

Yesterday my friend said to me, "Are you ok then? I worry about you." 

It dawned on me that I've created this victim persona of myself with her. That identity does not give me comfort. I never dreamed my ex-husband would do the things he has done, but that is not me. I am not living the prescribed life that my family or former friends would like for me, but I am me. I am not a victim. I am not what has happened to me. 

Alertness set in on me early this morning, my whole body filled with inspiration. Yesterday's sickness and fever linger, and it is 26 degrees. I have to get in to the office to remove a mural I painted a few weeks back. My thoughts grappled with each other: drive or bike this morning? 

I remembered a movie, 180 deg South. I lusted after the responsibility-free life of these climbers. These guys did everything to climb, surf, and sail. They gave up the things I define as success on a hunt for a thrill. Hey self: slow down there, Judgy McJudgerstein. They aren't less than human any more than you are or anybody is. Hell, they have a movie. This is their path. What's yours?

"If you set out on a journey to affect some kind of physical to spiritual gate and you compromise the process along the way, and you’re an asshole when you start then you’ll be an asshole when you finish” ~180 deg South

This is how I find myself packing a vacuum cleaner into pannier bags and donning the ski gear intended for yesterday's non-trip to Wintergreen mountain. It isn't because a sickness happened to me, but because the backside of pain is experience. Experience is life, and life is beautiful.

In no particular order I present to you, dear Universe, my goals:

• Ride the divide from Banff to Fort Collins
• Lose sight of shore for long enough that it becomes a new normal
• Build a product and company that serves the greater good
• Raise up some childrens (ya'll)
• Keeping working a handstand until it breaks my bones

I Can Ride my Bike with No Handlebars

My son wanted a nerf gun for Christmas. That's cool and all, but I don't really do nerf guns. Maybe you notice I ride bikes? I decided that what I wanted to give him was a bike. He grows so fast! This week was a whole makeover - new glasses, new haircut, new bike. He was a whole new man.

At first he didn't love the bike I chose. I thought he could still be satisfied with the simple criteria: two wheels plus pedals. My choice was also in a steel frame, disc brakes, and sora components. It was a deal -- and way too big... and maybe not cool enough? Feeling a little depleted in the value of my choice, I took him back to the bike shop. I was pretty convinced he was going to just return it. I don't even know what we bought.  No idea the type of components, and I would have to go down to the garage to recall the brand. While we were there, his love of bikes revived.

He doesn't know it, and please don't tell him so I can still hold out for some additional chores-in-lieu-of-presents, but this was the perfect gift for Christmas. My child is riding bikes with enthusiasm again! Here's us the next morning getting bagels for breakfast.

Summer family photo

I don't know how you spent your day, but this is what I did with mine. I'm sick, so they took it a little easy on me. It was a good day.

Morning commute win!

Still trying to learn the area of my new job. Siri wants me to pedal some big roads while google maps drops me off onto some overgrown grassy area the almost connects to the greenway. The bridge was closed too. And then I found myself here.

Some situational irony: I'm at this spot when I get a text, "where do we go from here?"

Well. Exactly. I am here, and here I find myself.

Tour de Brew

I really wanted to ride my bike. This rain did not stop me.

I want to shout out to my friends Alan W. and Paige J.S. for supporting me on this fun, rainy Tour de Brew! Thank you! Water for Good! (also, beer and bicycles)