Oh the Facebook of it All

An interaction on Facebook has me all worked up this morning. A friend made a complaint, and friends chimed in with shared frustration. The drivers who weren't actually experiencing the interaction were jumping to anger over the reality that bicycles are occupying space on the road. Here's what I'm thinking. I want to resurrect the human status of cyclists by sharing my experience, and also recall the legality of the choice. 

{Did I mention I ride bikes? You guys know this because you're here and probably got here because you know me personally or you ride bikes. Not everyone agrees with my choices, but we can at least civilly disagree.}

When a driver and I disagree about a lane use issue. The exchange is typically punctuated by honking. Sure, that's predictable, but I invite you to an experiment. Try this. Set your 3 year old in the driver seat of your car, obviously not running or in any way powered on. Just set the child in front of the steering wheel's horn button. Now, go stand in front of the car facing the same direction of the vehicle with it behind you. Wait, and then see what happens. 

Often in-motion lane use arguments are much more brutal: A bus driver passes and tips my helmet with the mirror of the bus, nearly spilling me into a rash of poison ivy in the culvert of the road. The mini van mama screams obscenities through an open window while honking and cutting into the lane in front of me to turn right. A one-ton truck driver discards the remnants of a fast food drink, including cup, and then accelerates heavily to leave me in a puff of exhaust. All of these examples have happened to me this year. Everyday I ride my bike, I have an encounter like this.

Please pause and think about the last time you were walking and somebody threw a drink cup at you, screamed obscenities, or just straight up hit you. What was that like for you?

It happens to me every single day that I ride my bike. My humanity wants me to believe this type of interaction isn't normal and doesn't characterize the morality of the individual. I try to lift the interaction out of the well by responding with a super-big smile and wave, "Have a good day!"

(Would you shoot a person who is smiling and waving? It's my only defense on my 20-lb bicycle against a 3,500lb vehicle.)

This is a real fear. Regularly, cyclists are physically assaulted. A driver has pulled a gun on me while riding my bike. I happened to have been pregnant at the time.

People who ride bikes are people. In my case, I'm a mom of three kids. I manage a team of engineers for a major corporation. I also teach yoga for peace, and math to little kids. I pay taxes on my car, my home, and my income. 

When I ride my bike, I am not trying to take anything from you. I'm trying to get to work. When I ride in a peloton, I am not trying to prevent you from using the road. I'm getting a workout. Any delay you experience will likely be short, and I appreciate you waiting until it is safe to pass. 

Why yes, that is a vacuum cleaner in my pannier.

Yesterday my friend said to me, "Are you ok then? I worry about you." 

It dawned on me that I've created this victim persona of myself with her. That identity does not give me comfort. I never dreamed my ex-husband would do the things he has done, but that is not me. I am not living the prescribed life that my family or former friends would like for me, but I am me. I am not a victim. I am not what has happened to me. 

Alertness set in on me early this morning, my whole body filled with inspiration. Yesterday's sickness and fever linger, and it is 26 degrees. I have to get in to the office to remove a mural I painted a few weeks back. My thoughts grappled with each other: drive or bike this morning? 

I remembered a movie, 180 deg South. I lusted after the responsibility-free life of these climbers. These guys did everything to climb, surf, and sail. They gave up the things I define as success on a hunt for a thrill. Hey self: slow down there, Judgy McJudgerstein. They aren't less than human any more than you are or anybody is. Hell, they have a movie. This is their path. What's yours?

"If you set out on a journey to affect some kind of physical to spiritual gate and you compromise the process along the way, and you’re an asshole when you start then you’ll be an asshole when you finish” ~180 deg South

This is how I find myself packing a vacuum cleaner into pannier bags and donning the ski gear intended for yesterday's non-trip to Wintergreen mountain. It isn't because a sickness happened to me, but because the backside of pain is experience. Experience is life, and life is beautiful.

In no particular order I present to you, dear Universe, my goals:

• Ride the divide from Banff to Fort Collins
• Lose sight of shore for long enough that it becomes a new normal
• Build a product and company that serves the greater good
• Raise up some childrens (ya'll)
• Keeping working a handstand until it breaks my bones

Gifts

For a variety of reasons, I found myself walking to and from the school a lot today. Part of my story is my son. He is wonderful and challenging. He is as hot as the sun. He's mesmerizing with his brains and beauty, but he can't always keep his emotions between the lines. Bit like his mama.

This morning was a hard one, but then on the way home he found a butterfly. It had died where it flew, and he spotted it perfectly in tact. His brother protected it until we got home. His sister kept the dog from eating it.

Did I mention he had poetry homework? Here is what he wrote...

I am a smart boy who like sharks

I wonder what life will be like for our descendants who will live thousands of years from now

I hear my fan at night

I see a good life ahead with lots of mistakes and successes

I want to have an impact on those around me

I am a smart boy who likes sharks

I pretend that I am well known and revered in the world

I feel powerless when I hear about loss

I touch other people’s lives when I do something for charity

I worry that life will pass me by without me doing anything

I cry when I hear about how much poverty there is in the world

I am a smart boy who likes sharks

I understand that I can’t do something for everything that happens in the world

I say that I can do almost anything if I put my mind to it

I dream that there were a decent life for everybody

I try to make an impact on my peers

I hope that life will get better for everybody

I am a smart boy who likes sharks

Man Bites Dog

Barking and chasing are terrifying. When this yappy dog followed me, I was not immune. I picked up and kicked harder. There's no telling what a dog would do if he catches the mailman, and I'm not staying to find out. He put on a chase of a five or six houses along a busy street. This resilience confirmed my good choice to ride harder.

This morning I passed the opposite direction. This means that the dog had to cross into traffic to give chase. And he did. The poor thing chased me from across several lanes of busy morning traffic. Like a child, he realized in the middle of the road that he was actually IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. He retreated towards his house, and I was relieved. 

And then I heard the sound of small dog impacting a blue sedan and then yelping. The small dog scurried away from the stopped vehicle and towards a house.

I went back to check on my foe. Beer bottles, a broken dresser, and an empty/open dog crate on the porch. No car. I called out for the owner or the dog. The response was from a much larger dog chained up in the back. 

I quickly left and called Animal Protection Services to check on the welfare of the dog. I'm trying not to feel guilty, but it was an awful encounter. 

Day 1 trial of the jersey

Walking out the door, my co-worker makes a “Your mom” joke. (minus 1)

But man, it feels super great. (plus 1)

And the weather is perfect! (plus 2)

I left a little before 5, the worst possible time to try to get home. The sun is at an angle, and the roads are at their peak. (potential… how does that score?)

Usually, it is a harrowing feat to cross US70. Today, traffic stopped for me and let me thru to the turn lane. (plus 1)

I didn’t get a single honk, even for my #boobs … Which is weird. (plus 5)

Calling it a win.

What dream shall we live today?

In this moment I'm imagining the next version of me. This is me getting good with me.

It is tough to keep breathing calmly. Lots of things surface with change and growth. Lots of them hurt.

Ben Folds says - I'm going to make the best imitation of myself.

I spent the last 3 days on a pirate ship with my best friend, little guitars, incredible food, crushing laughter, heart break, soft silence, blinding light, and me.

Coming home was jarring. I want to do and see and be! What dream shall we live today?

So many Tattoo choices. So little time.