Why yes, that is a vacuum cleaner in my pannier.

Yesterday my friend said to me, "Are you ok then? I worry about you." 

It dawned on me that I've created this victim persona of myself with her. That identity does not give me comfort. I never dreamed my ex-husband would do the things he has done, but that is not me. I am not living the prescribed life that my family or former friends would like for me, but I am me. I am not a victim. I am not what has happened to me. 

Alertness set in on me early this morning, my whole body filled with inspiration. Yesterday's sickness and fever linger, and it is 26 degrees. I have to get in to the office to remove a mural I painted a few weeks back. My thoughts grappled with each other: drive or bike this morning? 

I remembered a movie, 180 deg South. I lusted after the responsibility-free life of these climbers. These guys did everything to climb, surf, and sail. They gave up the things I define as success on a hunt for a thrill. Hey self: slow down there, Judgy McJudgerstein. They aren't less than human any more than you are or anybody is. Hell, they have a movie. This is their path. What's yours?

"If you set out on a journey to affect some kind of physical to spiritual gate and you compromise the process along the way, and you’re an asshole when you start then you’ll be an asshole when you finish” ~180 deg South

This is how I find myself packing a vacuum cleaner into pannier bags and donning the ski gear intended for yesterday's non-trip to Wintergreen mountain. It isn't because a sickness happened to me, but because the backside of pain is experience. Experience is life, and life is beautiful.

In no particular order I present to you, dear Universe, my goals:

• Ride the divide from Banff to Fort Collins
• Lose sight of shore for long enough that it becomes a new normal
• Build a product and company that serves the greater good
• Raise up some childrens (ya'll)
• Keeping working a handstand until it breaks my bones

Weatherman Lied

Things I pulled out of my bag to pay the bus driver included...

• peanuts (from the menagerie of things-that-grow at Stone Bros
• a tea light (for the convection warmer I made for under my desk)
• quarter-sized batteries

Traffic over I-40

I love crossing over an interstate on my bike. Gives me a chance to pompously and actually look down at cars. This day came with the benefit of a sunset ride through Umstead forest.

Overdressed for 50 degrees

Something to know about commuting by bike: you're going to deal with weather.

On this morning, I put on my tights because it was the first sign of cool weather. It was also drizzling. Wet + cool meant I needed tights. And full finger gloves. And boots. Except, it wasn't as cold as I remember 50 degrees feeling. I was peeling off layers and opening vents on my jacket.